To the Person who Pities Me

I know that you love me, worry about me, or whatever else, but I need you to stop acting like I'm likely to break.  It is really starting to get on my nerves.

I am sick, big deal.

I'm also nineteen.  I'm a big girl, and this is my life.  I have to live it as normally as I can.  When you act like I'm made of glass, it is kind of difficult to do that.

Please understand that this is no big thing for me.  I have been sick for a long time now.  I just incorporate it into everyday life.  Sure, I have more medicine than most people my age, and I might have my specialty clinics on speed dial, but that's just me.  Treat me like anyone else, and I will tell you what I can handle and if I need your help, but don't just assume I need it without a second thought.

I need you to realize that I will have good days and bad days.  Having a chronic illness is just like that.  Some mornings I wake up, crack open my eyes, and realize that there is no way I am going to make it to class on time if at all.  Other mornings I feel great in comparison to the prior.  Either way, I will take care of me and you take care of you.  When you coddle me and constantly ask if I can handle this or that, I feel like a little child again.

I can see the look you give me.... like I can't do for myself.  I'll have you know that I have taken care of myself everyday and will continue to do so until there is no fight left in me.  Newsflash I still have a lot of fight.

So, next time I take out a med or reset my feeding pump, don't look at me like I am a helpless and sad thing.  Don't go on about how bad you feel the next time we hang out and you need to stop for a bite to eat.  Please don't apologize for talking about your pain when you "know my pain must be so much worse."

Like I said, I'm a big girl.

I have no problem taking care of my medical needs, I know that you need to eat to survive, and I am perfectly aware of the fact that though I may be in more pain I am used to it and you may not be so accustomed.

You have no reason to pity me.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Underneath all of the Fear

Image
Admitting to fear has been difficult, but healing, in many, many ways.  It's come to a point in this crazy life of mine, where I have to completely rely on my faith in God. I just can't do it on my own anymore, and that is okay. I have been flaring for several months, and it's finally come to a point where I feel as if all I want to do is cry. I'm afraid for myself. I'm afraid for my life My pain is at an all time high, and I continue to gain new symptoms pretty regularly.  It's exhausting. In May I started getting vasculitis in all of my IV sites which caused blood clots.  I then needed to wear compression garments for several months. In addition, the new symptoms have brought forth a very frightening new diagnosis.  I must admit, though the diagnosis isn't yet official, I was almost brought to my knees in terror when I realized the seriousness with which things are headed.  We are 98% sure that my biopsy results will come back saying exactl...
Read more

My Wishlist

Readers, I have a sort of test for you.  I'm going to write this post like I normally would but I want to ask that you give me some sort of feedback.  You can text me, call me, comment on my post, pm me on Facebook... whatever form of contact you choose to use I just want to see who my audience is and also get feedback from you if you have any to give.  So lets begin.  Most people come up with new years resolutions but I don't find them to be very useful so I've only thought up a list of things that I'd like to happen in the year of 2014.  If you know a way to help me with any of the following things that I'm going to write about go ahead and tell me what you have in mind.  Remember feedback is the backbone of this post.... plus I'm sitting in a hospital waiting to begin an MRE and have nothing better to do with my time.  So here it begins: 1. I am not usually into stuff like this but before I graduate I would like to be nominated for either home...
Read more

The "A" Word

Image
Growing up, I always felt a little bit different. I looked at myself as if I were another person; like I didn't really know myself.  I was the outsider looking in. As I would stare at my reflection, I often found that I truly didn't understand who or why I was. Don't get me wrong, I was an active and relatively happy kid who was involved in as much as any other child: soccer, dance, gymnastics, volleyball... I just found myself to be emotionally distant from my peers when it came to getting along with them. Things seemed so easy for them in areas where I struggled everyday just to try and understand why they did silly things like smile for no reason in particular. I had friends, but I questioned whether or not they actually liked me. Were they just being nice because they felt bad for the socially awkward little girl? Were they just taking advantage of my loyalty and careful, mother-like tendencies. The anxiety was crippling. What could I do? I had no idea who I even was ...
Read more