That One Sick Girl

This makes no sense to me.  Correct me if I'm wrong but it seems, to me, quite absurd that my doctors and nurses, in seeing that I couldn't even get out of the bed on my own, would be okay with sending me home. Today was torture to put things shortly.  I had no clue how to unhook my own feeds until about 10 o'clock this morning.  Nobody told me.  I went home last night completely clueless and unprepared for what was ahead of me.  I am physically and emotionally exhausted.  Pain is at an all time high and I can't focus on anything for too long.  I've spent the majority of the past week asleep yet I still find myself tired.  Oh, and my hair is falling out again.  Sad day.. I am having a hard time not being angry... Angry at the world in general but mainly all of the people in charge of my care at Children's Mercy Hospital.  Oh wait, we don't know who that is!  Everyone and no one is in charge of my care all at once.  What I mean by this is there is literal

Tomorrow morning at 8:30 I am scheduled to arrive at Children's Mercy North to prep for surgery.  I will be getting my new gj feeding tube placed.  This tube will go directly through the wall of my abdomen and, just like the one I have now, it will feed me.  I am excited mainly because it will no longer be on my face but at the same time I am very nervous.  My mom said the other day that she thinks this is it.  She thinks that all the problems that I have had leading up to this year was my body trying to tell us that it doesn't like food and we weren't catching on.  She doesn't think I will ever eat again.  As I think about the possibility of that being true I continuously become more afraid.  I didn't want this..  I didn't have a choice. I am trying my best to stay positive but as everything sinks in I can't help but get a little bit sad.  It is not easy being the only one around who can't eat.  None of my friends really get why I don't want t