That One Sick Girl

A few months ago I made the decision to post daily gratitudes on Instagram.  It has since been one of the biggest blessings in my life, and I want to share that with my readers.  I have asked several people to post three things that they are grateful for on Instagram every day under the tag #dailygratitudes, and now I'm asking you.  I want to see how grateful you can be!  I promise it is truly one of the most rewarding things you can do for yourself and other people. It works like this... Sometimes our days can be hard.  So much can change in one moment, and with so much bad in this world it is easy to forget the good and hold onto the negatives.  I myself face this everyday.  I look at all of the negatives and it tears me apart.  I've had days where all I want to do is feel sorry for myself. Daily gratitudes have helped me to get away from that ever present negativity even for just a moment.  Any simple gesture or thought can change my entire outlook in life.  Daily gratit

A little bit about me: 1. Hobbies - reading - writing - music (listening, playing instruments, singing) - anything artsy 2. Personality Traits - shy - intuitive - stubborn - sensitive - understanding - compassionate - blunt 3. Things I love - long talks - goats - people who don't try to get everything but rather focus on just being there for me - God 4. Things I hate - being the center of attention - people being angry with me - that I can't pick up on certain social cues - being misunderstood - BEING SICK It has recently come to my attention that when it first came out that I was sick many of my peers suspected that I was faking it to get attention.  Let me just tell you that realization hurts.  I can't believe that people that I have grown up with my entire life could be so ignorant as to think I am that type of person.  Sure, I'm not the most popular and I certainly don't know how to talk to people... I admit that. But REALLY? You hones

Monday July 14 marked one year to the day that  stopped tolerating any amount of food on my stomach.  I have always had GI issues but I never imagined my life how it is today.  If I'm honest with you and with myself I can only come to the conclusion that I have developed a patient identity.  Patient identity may sound odd to those of you who don't deal with a life altering illness on a day to day basis so let me put it plainly.  I don't know who I am anymore.  I can tell anyone anything that they want to know about hospital life and TPN and physical pain but as soon as I'm asked how I feel about it on a mental level, all I can bring up is numbness.  Unfortunately, I let myself become this way and lost any recognition of who I was a year ago in the process.  My therapist and I call this the patient identity.  I can't really begin to explain what this state of mind feels like...  I don't know how.  It's like I only focus on things as they are at face value

I am not sure where to begin with what went down today... I guess all I can really say is that I am tired of the way that my hospital works.  It feels like they're constantly playing games with my head and I can't take it anymore.  I don't feel real support coming from my doctors or nurses.  All I really feel is that a lot of them don't believe me and think that I'm making myself do this.  Trust me if I could eat like a normal person I would.  Quite honestly I hate living like this.  I LOVED food and my body image is pretty good if you ask me.  I think I am drop dead gorgeous!  Sorry that's a little arrogant but seriously I'm not that girl and I would appreciate not being treated as such.  Another big issue of the day is the lack of communication.... maybe I should just start from the top.  On April 17th I went in for a normal GI (Gastroenterology for those who don't know the term) appointment, and like most appointments at the end we were schedule

I usually try to be pretty light hearted with my posts but now is not one of those times.  I have something pretty serious on my mind tonight and have been searching for the words to say.  To start, I guess I just want to say that though I may seem happy on the outside there is a lot that I deal with on a day to day basis that makes me anything but happy.  My therapist and I... yes, I have a therapist and frankly I don't know how I would function without her. But anyway, my therapist and I have been discussing emotions a lot lately and it has been brought to my attention just how much I shove mine aside.  I have trained myself not to talk or think about how I may be feeling.  I want to change that if even just for a moment... Every week when I walk into therapy, the session starts off with the question of how things are going both physically and emotionally. My answer? "Fine." Just about everything that my therapist asks is answered similarly and if her questi

"Is not life more than food?" Matthew 6:25 This verse really struck a chord in me the other day and it made me wonder.... what is life? What is living? I'll be honest and tell you that I didn't really analyze things beyond that but I would like to now if only for the sake of something to do besides homework.  Yes, I'll admit that I decided to post right when I realized how much work I still need to do. Don't judge I'll get there.  ANYWAY... back to my question. What is life? (to whoever is reading this: it is probably best that you just stop now unless you don't mind senseless rambling... then by all means read on)  I have come to the conclusion that life can mean different things to different people.  As many of you know, I do not eat like a normal person... or when I do I throw it all up. (yummy) Hence why it was this verse that made me wonder and not another.  I'll explain.  So many people tell me that they would die without food... li

Readers, I have a sort of test for you.  I'm going to write this post like I normally would but I want to ask that you give me some sort of feedback.  You can text me, call me, comment on my post, pm me on Facebook... whatever form of contact you choose to use I just want to see who my audience is and also get feedback from you if you have any to give.  So lets begin.  Most people come up with new years resolutions but I don't find them to be very useful so I've only thought up a list of things that I'd like to happen in the year of 2014.  If you know a way to help me with any of the following things that I'm going to write about go ahead and tell me what you have in mind.  Remember feedback is the backbone of this post.... plus I'm sitting in a hospital waiting to begin an MRE and have nothing better to do with my time.  So here it begins: 1. I am not usually into stuff like this but before I graduate I would like to be nominated for either homecoming or