To the "Medical Professioal" Who Doubts Me
I get it. I really do. I'm a teenage girl who can't hold down food. I must have an eating disorder, right? Wrong.
For you to completely disregard anything I tell you based on your made up notions about me is absolutely disgusting to me. I am your patient, and I have done nothing but prove to you over and over that I am not faking my illness.
Honestly, I don't see how I could fake the extensive medical history that I have. If you had ever listened to a word I said, you would know that this has been going on since I was a small child.
This has gone on for far too long. You've been in charge of my care during every inpatient stay for the last three years. When does it end? I'm really tired of your games. I don't need your snide comments, and I really don't need the self-hate that fills my head every time I've been around you.
Did you realize that you make me feel like I am crazy?
I literally spend two weeks undoing what you did in just one week long hospitalization. My other doctors believe me, and are focused on helping me. Why can't you?
I have had medical tests come back positive while in your care, and I have gained more than one new diagnosis while in your care, yet you still act in a way that is rude and unnecessary.
Do you realize what the first words I remember coming out of your mouth were?
It was nearly three years ago, but I remember them clear as day. "What do you want to weigh? We can control your calories and make you weigh whatever you want." You seriously think I give a flying hoot what I weigh?!
You are greatly mistaken.
All that I actually care about is that I live my life in pain. Daily. I have tried so hard not to let your words ring in my ears over the past few years, but I must admit that I don't succeed. It hurts to know that you think that way about me. I have done nothing to deserve the treatment that I have gotten from you.
Here is what I want you to know about me.
When I go home, my story doesn't change. I'm not well when I leave your presence, and I haven't been well for far too long. Anyone who can fake an illness sickens me because I wish that I felt better for even just a moment, but I can't. My body has betrayed me, and that pain doesn't end.
Over the years, things have only gotten worse. I don't experience pain only in my stomach anymore, and I haven't for a long time. I wake up every morning with a headache that doesn't go away, and bones that feel like they should be in a body far older than an almost 20 year old. My eyes make it hard to see some days, and my nose bleeds almost daily. I have bruises that can't be explained all over my legs, and ones that can all across my abdomen because of the shots that I have to take to control blood clots. My hair is falling out to the point that I fear balding completely, and I often have unexplained sores, rashes, and sometimes even hives. Sleep doesn't make me feel rested. I often lay in bed for over an hour just trying to get my body to wake up enough to drag myself out of it. This is EVERYDAY.
Despite everything, I am happy. I go to a school that I love, and I fight to maintain an impressive grade average just because I know that I can. I have wonderful friendships... I have a social life. I go on dates, and I have dreams of moving out, getting a job, getting married, and raising a family of my own.
These things are by no means easy for me to handle, but I do what I can because I recognize the beauty in life. I don't know what I will be able to do physically in this life, but I know that God has a plan for me. I hold onto my dreams as a way of coping with the pain that I will inevitably endure because of my illness.
Did you ever even as me about who I am or try to get to know me?
No. You judge someone that you don't even know, and you cause a lot of pain in that judgement.
So, I want to invite you to get to know me. Who knows, I may change your entire opinion about me. There is more to every situation than meets the eye, and, if you would just try, maybe you wouldn't have such a hard time listening when I come to you with a health concern. If you continue to judge without opening your eyes to what is really going on, how are you ever going to be able to help me?
Thank you for reading.
For you to completely disregard anything I tell you based on your made up notions about me is absolutely disgusting to me. I am your patient, and I have done nothing but prove to you over and over that I am not faking my illness.
Honestly, I don't see how I could fake the extensive medical history that I have. If you had ever listened to a word I said, you would know that this has been going on since I was a small child.
This has gone on for far too long. You've been in charge of my care during every inpatient stay for the last three years. When does it end? I'm really tired of your games. I don't need your snide comments, and I really don't need the self-hate that fills my head every time I've been around you.
Did you realize that you make me feel like I am crazy?
I literally spend two weeks undoing what you did in just one week long hospitalization. My other doctors believe me, and are focused on helping me. Why can't you?
I have had medical tests come back positive while in your care, and I have gained more than one new diagnosis while in your care, yet you still act in a way that is rude and unnecessary.
Do you realize what the first words I remember coming out of your mouth were?
It was nearly three years ago, but I remember them clear as day. "What do you want to weigh? We can control your calories and make you weigh whatever you want." You seriously think I give a flying hoot what I weigh?!
You are greatly mistaken.
All that I actually care about is that I live my life in pain. Daily. I have tried so hard not to let your words ring in my ears over the past few years, but I must admit that I don't succeed. It hurts to know that you think that way about me. I have done nothing to deserve the treatment that I have gotten from you.
Here is what I want you to know about me.
When I go home, my story doesn't change. I'm not well when I leave your presence, and I haven't been well for far too long. Anyone who can fake an illness sickens me because I wish that I felt better for even just a moment, but I can't. My body has betrayed me, and that pain doesn't end.
Over the years, things have only gotten worse. I don't experience pain only in my stomach anymore, and I haven't for a long time. I wake up every morning with a headache that doesn't go away, and bones that feel like they should be in a body far older than an almost 20 year old. My eyes make it hard to see some days, and my nose bleeds almost daily. I have bruises that can't be explained all over my legs, and ones that can all across my abdomen because of the shots that I have to take to control blood clots. My hair is falling out to the point that I fear balding completely, and I often have unexplained sores, rashes, and sometimes even hives. Sleep doesn't make me feel rested. I often lay in bed for over an hour just trying to get my body to wake up enough to drag myself out of it. This is EVERYDAY.
Despite everything, I am happy. I go to a school that I love, and I fight to maintain an impressive grade average just because I know that I can. I have wonderful friendships... I have a social life. I go on dates, and I have dreams of moving out, getting a job, getting married, and raising a family of my own.
These things are by no means easy for me to handle, but I do what I can because I recognize the beauty in life. I don't know what I will be able to do physically in this life, but I know that God has a plan for me. I hold onto my dreams as a way of coping with the pain that I will inevitably endure because of my illness.
Did you ever even as me about who I am or try to get to know me?
No. You judge someone that you don't even know, and you cause a lot of pain in that judgement.
So, I want to invite you to get to know me. Who knows, I may change your entire opinion about me. There is more to every situation than meets the eye, and, if you would just try, maybe you wouldn't have such a hard time listening when I come to you with a health concern. If you continue to judge without opening your eyes to what is really going on, how are you ever going to be able to help me?
Thank you for reading.
Wow, beautiful, I believe one of your goals was friendship to our little man.
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