You, Lord, Make Me Brave

Wow... I am almost lost for words when I think about all of the love and support being shown to me by complete strangers. Let me just say, I can definitely feel your prayers being lifted up to our Lord in Heaven, and, little by little, He is taking away my fears.

As far as my health goes, I'm still in pretty bad shape. I drove back to college last night, and the pain in my hips and lower back is definitely worsened today. I'm hoping that will get better with time and rest.. We have yet to hear about my biopsy results, so I have no new news as far as treatment options and the official diagnosis of Behcet's Disease, but I'm hoping those results will come sooner rather than later. When they do come, the plan is to start a drug known as Remicade. This drug has to be infused, so I will most likely need a new central line put in, but, frankly, I'm okay with that because my veins are so tired. The simple act of drawing blood often takes 13+ sticks with no success. I am ready to have access again.

Foot IVs are a regular occurrence, but  they often blow, or, like this one, are unsuccessful attempts. 

Mentally, I'm finally at peace. I say finally, and I really do mean finally. I have had so much fear for so long, but thanks to you guys, my readers, friends, and family who have been diligently praying for and with me I was finally able to lay this at God's feet today. I want to tell you what He told me.

It all began during chapel this morning while we were singing Our God is Greater.  I started thinking about my situation, and about the fear that has taken over my life in the last several years. It was really almost too much to handle for a moment.  Then the words hit me. I'd hate to be cliche, but it really did almost feel like a ton of bricks thrown right at my chest.  

Our God is Greater. 

I let that sink in for a moment before even thinking to move to the next set of words. 

Our God is Stronger. 

I marched my little bum right up to the front of the church, sank to my knees, and bawled. 

Maybe you need to understand a few things about me before I move on. The first is that I am not a crier, and the second is that I do not like to make a scene.  It was not me who was in control in that church this morning.  

Our God is Higher than ANY Other

I felt God telling me that He has this, and that He is using my story to change the lives of others. No, I may never get better, but my praising Him in this storm is sure to bring the coldest of hearts through heavens gates, and that in itself is what this life is all about.  

Though powerful, this was not the end of God's message for me.  

God decided to remind me next that I need to be brave on this journey of mine, but He wont leave me alone in that either. Through all that this morning's revelations brought, I am most thankful for the reminder to be brave. Fear can be crippling. It can eat away at everything that you are. I want to challenge you to be fearless today, tomorrow, and always. Fear only distracts you from who God has designed you to be. 

Because of my fear, I forgot the beauty in all that God can and will make of whatever is happening to me. Yes, I am in pain and will still have that pain, but I can choose happiness. I will have fearful days, but I don't have to let fear consume me. 

Thank you for all of your prayers and support, and thank you for reading.