I Don't Ask for Much

The most frustrating thing to hear are the words "I don't know" and unfortunately that's all I've ever heard.  All my life I've dealt with pain.  I have seen countless doctors who have given countless answers when in reality they have no clue why my body attacks itself.  I am at the hands of their mercy and have little to no control over my own life.  If you know me then you know how much I hate this.  I am the type of person who needs some sort of control over everything that I do.  When all I hear is that I'm a mystery it takes everything in me not to break into tears.  I still fail sometimes though.  I go through stages where I can do nothing but cry because I don't understand why this is happening to my body.  I put on a brave front at school or when out in public view but the truth is I struggle a lot.  My emotions are all over the place and I feel almost completely alone in what I am going through. 
Part of the reason that I feel alone is because no one really understands what it is to be me.  Now for this to work you're going to have to really concentrate.  Put yourself in my shoes for just a moment.  Ten minutes tops and then it will be all over.  Imagine waking up every morning with some sort of pain... it can be anywhere.  Examples include stomach, head, chest, and so on.  Now put on your biggest most beautiful smile and get ready for your day.  Remember you have to be strong because nobody likes a complainer.  You're off to school now hoping that nobody notices your pain let alone the tube that hangs from your nose.  When you arrive the people stare; they pitty you and tell you they care or worse they don't say anything at all.  Soon you realize that you don't want their pitty.  Your only wish is to be treated like all the normal kids and forget for just a moment that you have a new symptom hanging over your shoulder.  You don't mind the questions about how you're feeling or what is going on but nobody asks you, they ask who they know you are close to.  As if that's not bad enough the people that do ask you only seem interested in how you are feeling they don't care to talk about that new movie you saw last week or what fun plans you have for the weekend.  You only have two or three people that care enough to address your illness but also make sure you feel well mentally too.  Once at home for the day symptoms worsen due to the effort you put into pushing yourself all day long.  You wrap yourself up in a ball and lay there trying not to let tears come.  Your only wish is to be normal.  You want to have the usual troubles that every teen deals with rather than the ones that you deal with on a day to day basis.  You can't stand that your best friends have become the nurses that take care of you during the many hospital stays you endure.  You are tired, broken, and misunderstood.  You're drowning under a sea of chaotic pain.  Nobody knows what is wrong with you including yourself and you're only choice is to be strong.
Friends, this is my life.  I live in terror everyday and I have no answers.  I have chosen to be strong.  I have chosen to keep living and as hard as it is for me I have chosen to ultimately let God be in control.  I don't ask for much but today I want to ask for an understanding.  Understand that what I go through is hard.  I love to answer your questions but sometimes all I need is someone to get my mind off of the pain for a little while.  Understand that I am just like you and if I can be strong you can be strong too.  Understand that I will listen and I will care.  Anyone who comes to me will have a guaranteed listening ear.  I want to help you, serve you, and most importantly I want to love you.  If life is hard for me than I expect it's hard for you too.